15 year age difference dating
A relationship is not a possession, like a stone or a purse or a car. A relationship is simply the interaction you’re having with that person as it’s happening and the general, overall tone of your interactions. Society doesn’t see relationships this way, for the most part. Relationships are living and experienced in-the-moment, like music. If it’s sitting on your MP3 player and you’re not playing it, then it is simply data.Our society tries to make relationships into a thing – a thing that can be worked on, fixed or broken. You can say you have the song or own it, but saying you have a song on your i Pod has nothing to do with your experience of the song as it’s playing.Most of the love stories we see in pop culture are rooted in infatuation…not real love.Some degree of infatuation is fine, but a relationship entirely rooted in infatuation is usually doomed.There is this idea that we have one soul mate and that real love stories are supposed to be filled with obstacles and drama.While this makes for good entertainment, it isn’t real life.OK, so I talked earlier about what fixation feels like and how it’s the biggest warning sign that you’re trying to have a relationship with a bad match (that is, a match that isn’t going to work out in the long term and will drain your life, heart, and soul until there’s nothing left…).However, I didn’t explain the incredibly damaging toll this takes on the relationship having a chance.
You don’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells, worrying that you might screw something up. You don’t feel like you’re suffocating, wishing and hoping to finally get some sweet relief and get to breathe. In fact, you never even think about possibly losing them because you don’t feel you need to possess them in order to experience the love you have for them. Yes, popular songs make it sound like it’s supposed to be. But movies and music are wrong, love is meant to be effortless and easy. Why is breaking your fixation essential to having success in your love life?
Instead of him feeling like your presence fills him with joy and peace, he will feel like your presence drains him of joy and peace. I don’t point this out to blame you or make you feel bad. This is good news because I’m telling you: This is 100% under your control.
So what’s the root cause of this destructive force of fixation?
I blame music and Hollywood for propagating this mindset, but for whatever reason, people today have the idea that relationships are supposed to be hard.
MORE: How to Have a Healthy Relationship This simply is not true.
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When you’re fixated on someone, your relationship ceases to be about enjoyment and effortlessness.